by Bruce L. Dorner
The stress of today’s society has led to a dramatic increase in marital disharmony. This has created an abundance of divorce and family cases in New Hampshire. Despite what we see on television, the majority of divorce matters are resolved by an agreement negotiated between the parties, not by trial in front of a judge or marital master.
First and foremost, do all you can to preserve the marriage. Remember your vows and the customary “till death do us part.” Be absolutely sure that there is no hope of saving the marriage before you seek a divorce. Seek counseling with a therapist or member of the clergy. If that fails, then work toward a negotiated arrangement. Once you have made the decision that a divorce is the right choice for you, move forward.
Although this may sound self-serving, don’t do it yourself! Hire a lawyer. Each party should have a separate lawyer. The complexities of divorce are not obvious. An experienced attorney will be able to advise you as to your exposure and as to what a court is likely to consider a fair and reasonable settlement. I can recite the horrors of many cases where the parties thought that they covered all the bases until problems arose with pension plans, life insurance, child support adjustments, college funding, and division of assets that were not properly disclosed.
Second, remember the children are the most important aspect of your divorce. Like it or not, you’ll have to learn how to share your children, even though you and your spouse may have different parenting styles. In fact, prior to the court granting a divorce in Rockingham County divorcing parents are required to attend a special class to assist them in understanding the issues of parenting after divorce and to stress the importance of cooperative parenting.
Child custody issues are best resolved by two parents who care dearly for their children and are willing to compromise to do what is in “the best interest of the children.” To facilitate compromise, it is often helpful to have the court appoint a guardian ad litem. The guardian ad litem is usually an attorney who is specially trained to represent the children and to speak on their behalf.
If you leave the decision of custody to the court, the outcome is not based on gender or financial status, but on what the judge believes is in the “best interest of the children.” Who knows what is best for your children, you, or the judge? The bottom line is that cooperation between the parents usually leads to a better outcome for all concerned.
Londonderry is fortunate to have access to a special branch of the court to deal with divorce and family matters. The Family Division is housed in the Derry District Court building. All divorces, family matters and juvenile matters may be handled with one-stop-shopping in the local court building. The staff at the clerk’s office is most gracious in assisting walk-in parties with forms and documents. However, they do not and cannot provide legal advice. Do not be lulled into thinking that filling in a form will comply with the technical requirements of the law or enable you to properly present your case to a judge in open court.
Most divorces are brought as a “no-fault” proceeding. This means that neither party needs to state all the details and background of the marriage nor the reasons it fell apart. New Hampshire divorce law provides for an equitable division of assets and liabilities between the parties. Although equal apportionment may be the most common formula, it is not a requirement. The judge will try to find a fair and reasonable (equitable) balance. If a trial is necessary, the judge will take into account many factors including the length of the marriage, the earning capacity of each party, and the contribution each has brought to the marriage. Lastly, fault may be a factor. If one party has been abusive, committed adultery or engaged in improper conduct as defined by statute, the judge may tip the scales of justice in the direction of the innocent party when dividing marital assets.
This is just the tip of the divorce iceberg. The article presents only a cursory overview of a few of the concerns in dealing with divorce cases.