by Bruce L. Dorner
When parents are engaged in the bitter battle of divorce, their children are often caught in the crossfire. Sometimes, parents don’t know or appreciate how their actions with each other or their conduct around their children can impact the growth and development of the kids.
Our New Hampshire Legislature has studied this problem and passed new laws to help parents focus on the needs of their children while they resolve their differences through the divorce process. The new law fills an entire chapter in the statutes and is found at RSA 461-A, if you care to read the entire text. It is far from easy reading!
Under the older statutes the issues of children, custody, care, and child support were scattered in several corners of the law. This new chapter gathers all the pieces regarding children and puts them in a central location.
One of the new requirements to obtain a divorce when the parties have minor children is writing a document called “Parenting Plan.” The Parenting Plan is about 12 pages long. It is required at all temporary and final court hearings. The intent of the document is to get both parents to pay attention to the needs of their children and to work together to raise their children in a cooperative fashion regardless of their personal differences. Yes, there are exceptions to the cooperative model, especially if there are issues of domestic assault, significant drug or alcohol abuse, etc.
The Parenting Plan deals with the issues of regular and continuing contact by both parents with the children. The foundation of the new law is that both parents are equally important to the children and need to share them, and be shared by the children. The new law has done away the term “custody.” That word has caused so much stress. There was a perception that someone who had “custody” has won something, while the other parent who didn’t have “custody” was perceived as having lost something. Now, we simply refer to “parenting rights and responsibilities.”
There are many components to the Parenting Plan. Some topics may not be needed in a few family situations. Additional topics may be added if the family believes them to be helpful in developing their relationship with the children after the divorce.
By way of example, most Parenting Plans start with an opening statement about how important it is for the family to work together, even after the divorce with regard to the children. It addresses the decision making responsibility and where the parents may act individually or jointly when major issues are on the table. The concerns about information sharing and contact while the children are with the other parent needs to be considered. Since the kids will be in school, an address needs to be established for school purposes. Of course a schedule for when the kids will be with one parent or the other needs to be detailed. This will include times during the week, weekends, holidays, family events, and vacation times. There may be concerns about transporting the kids from one household to the other or issues about one parent wishing to relocate outside the immediate area. It is also a good idea to have a method established on how to deal with any disagreements which may arise in the future.
If the parents are able to agree on all of the contents of the document it will be submitted to the court along with the Divorce Stipulation (final agreement). If the parties can’t agree on all the terms and conditions, then the judge will conduct a hearing and fill out the form as a Court Order. You will continue to be parents for years to come and need to find a way to resolve your conflict over the children. After all, who knows what is best for your children, the judge after a short hearing, or the parents who have nurtured the children for years!
This article provides general information only. You should consult with your own attorney before making any legal decision.